I have officially been a stay-at-home mom for 11 weeks now! I still cannot believe it has been 11 weeks since I gave birth to my sweet little Will. Before he was born, and actually, before he was even thought of, Theron and I decided that when we had kids, I would stay home with them. It was something we both wanted for our family. We agreed on this at a time in my life where I had a job I absolutely hated, and the thought of staying home sounded absolutely wonderful! Little did I know, when the time actually came, I had a job I absolutely loved and couldn't stand the thought of leaving. I was truly torn. I really did want to stay home with my baby, but I also really wanted to stay at my job.
These feelings lead to much prayer! I would pray to God for clear direction, for peace about staying at home, for peace about leaving my job. He would answer, and I would feel confident in my decision to stay home with my son. Then, a little time would pass, and I would start questioning things all over again.
I started thinking about the real reasons I didn't want to leave my job. Some of them were very legitimate - I loved my work, my co-workers, and I truly believed in the mission of The Baptist Foundation of Oklahoma (which I still do and would highly recommend you check out their website). The other reasons were not so legitimate - I was scared...scared of not having my income, scared of a lack of security, scared I would never find a job I loved so much ever again. So, I would pray some more, desperately wanting to feel like I was making the right decision.
One day God made it very clear that all of the reasons I wanted to stay home with my little boy came from Him, and all of the reasons I wanted to stay at my job were lies from Satan. I knew we didn't really need my income. I knew we were financially secure. I knew I could find another job some day. I even knew I had opportunities to make money while I stayed at home. But, my selfish desires for worldly pleasures kept getting in the way.
I exprssed my concerns to Theron (several times), but there was one night in particular that solidified my decision. I said something to the effect of..."I just want our kids to have the best of everything. I don't want to worry about money. I want them to be able to do things and to have nice things." To which my oh-so-wise husband replied, "Do you think our kids would rather look back on their childhood and say, Wow, I had a lot of really nice stuff, or Wow, I had a mom who loved me and took care of me every day."
Now, I just want to say, I understand that not everyone has the opportunity to stay at home with their kids for a multitude of reasons, and I DO NOT think this means you love your children any less or that they will one day resent you for it. However, I am very blessed to have this opportunity, and I knew I had to take it. I knew what my kids needed more than money or stuff was a loving, caring mommy.
I wish I could tell you that I absolutely loved being a stay-at-home mom from Day 1, but that would be a total lie. I actually hated it for about the first two months. I missed my job. I missed my co-workers. I felt lazy and worthless. I didn't shower. I didn't wear "real" clothes for days at a time. I often felt about as significant as a cow - providing milk and grazing all day long.
Thank goodness, I snapped out of it and embraced my new "job." That's exactly what it is, too. It is a job that I have to work diligently at every day. I am loving staying home with my son more and more every day. I am seeing what an amazing opportunity it is. I'm just trying to take it...One Step at a Time, :)